The death of a loved one is never easy, and for many, planning a funeral service before the person can be buried is too much to bear. This article was created by Pamela Tatam, Content Marketing / Porch and she wrote that she created this article “How to Host a Memorial Service At Home” to help with …
Simple (Budget-Friendly) Ways to Transform Your Home Wedding
Image from Unsplash article by Kelsey Taylor <kelsey@getcompletewellness.com Your wedding day is the most important day of your life. You’re celebrating your love, commitment, and relationship in a ceremony that is both beautiful and breathtaking. All for the easy breezy amount of — $36,000?! That doesn’t quite add up, considering that the Australian Bureau of Statistics …
Pets are family members
This is a blog from one of the many associations of which I am a member. https://www.celebrants.org.au/blog/entry/ceremonies-and-celebrations/pet-ceremonies
Why get Married now rather than later?
What are the advantages of marriage if we have been together for years? What happens if we are not married and my partner gets hospitalised? What happens if my partner dies and we are not married? Why get Married now rather than later? There is so much uncertainty and confusion, and so many contradictions in …
CONTACT – CALL NOW TO SECURE YOUR DATE
+61 (0) 457 00 1922 lou@alifecelebrant.com.au
YES; YOUR CEREMONY CAN STILL TAKE PLACE – CELEBRANCY SAFETY PROTOCOL
UPDATE 22/3/2020
OWING TO NEW RESTRICTIONS ABOUT TO BE PUT IN PLACE.
WE WILL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 48 HOURS TO SEE WHAT CAN GO AHEAD.
I am very pleased to advise that I am continuing to provide services however am monitoring the situation on a daily basis.
As the Coronavirus (COVID-19) situation develops, the best way to protect yourself is the same as you would against any respiratory infection, that is, Practice good hygiene by:
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- making sure to clean your hands thoroughly for at least 20 seconds with soap and water, or an alcohol-based hand rub
- cover your nose and mouth when coughing and sneezing with tissue or a flexed elbow
- observe social distancing of 1.5 metres and avoid close contact with anyone with cold or flu-like symptoms
- make sure you stay home in isolation if you are sick
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Due to the daily developing Coronavirus (COVID-19) situation, some venues and vendors have reduced service, but I have not; however I am of course being very cautious for your safety, and for mine, and so have instituted a community safety plan which includes the use of alcohol-based hand sanitiser sprays.
NEW CLIENTS
- You MUST phone to make an appointment.
- When you phone, you may be asked certain questions to ensure public safety.
- Subject to availability, I will meet you at a mutually agreed location, but I cannot accept people at my home at present however I am happy to meet in a café or public place. Meeting at your own home will be discussed and decided upon.
- We will not shake hands,
- I will NOT meet with you if you are sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose or if I become sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose (other than allergies)
- YOU MUST maintain a safe distance at all times.
- YOU MUST have washed or sanitised your hands which must be dry and clean when we meet.
- Any documents you present, MUST be dry and clean and readable without my touching them.
- If you are unable to comply, or I suspect for any reason, that you have not complied, with the safety protocols, the meeting will be cancelled.
FUNERALS
- We MUST speak over the phone to make an appointment to meet.
- You may be asked certain questions to ensure public safety.
- I cannot accept people at my home at present, but our meeting can take place via video link, a public place or at your home following discussion.
- I will NOT meet with you if you are sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose or if I become sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose (other than allergies)
- If for any reason I am unable to attend, I will do my utmost to find a replacement.
- YOU MUST maintain a safe distance at all times.
- YOU MUST have washed or sanitised your hands which must be dry and clean when we meet.
- Any document or photographs you present, MUST be dry and clean and readable without my touching them but digital copies can be transmitted via an online medium.
- At the funeral, hand shaking, and hugging should be avoided.
- Seating will be spaced and there may be a limit on capacity of the venue.
- To avoid cross contamination, there may not be a Guest Register
- The Chapel management may institute additional safety protocols.
- Grave side committals have fewer restrictions as they are outdoors, but safe distance requirements still apply.
- Guests may take part via video link in their homes or cars (anywhere there is internet access and a device with an appropriate app)
WEDDINGS
Options for your booked wedding are:
- Continue but with hygiene practices adopted.
- Reduce the physical presence of guests to minimise risk.
- Keep the numbers but video link guests to anywhere there is the internet, a device and an app
- Have a smaller ceremony now and a larger Celebration of Marriage later
- Postpone your wedding
- If someone is sick, we could possibly still proceed but with a high level of safety protocol e.g. protective gear (could actually be fun and make it a wedding to truly remember)
Here are some additional considerations
- You must postpone if you are sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose.
- I will not attend if I become sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose (other than allergies)
- You can NOT have guests in attendance who have recently travelled overseas
- YOU MUST maintain a safe distances at all times.
- YOU MUST have washed or sanitised your hands which must be dry and clean.
- Any documents MUST be dry and clean and readable.
- At the wedding, hand shaking, and hugging should be avoided but the ‘first kiss’ is your own choice.
- Seating MUST be spaced and there may be a limit on capacity of the venue.
- To avoid cross contamination, there may not be a Guest Register
- The Chapel management may institute additional safety protocols.
- Outdoor weddings may have fewer restrictions.
- Guests may be able to take part via video link
- If anyone falls ill after the wedding, you must notify me and the guests immediately
WHAT TO DFO IF YOUR VENUE CANCELS
Venues and vendors need your business to survive, so please be patient, kind and understanding.
The CV-19 pandemic has significantly impacted upon the events industry and livelihoods and some businesses may not survive extended closure.
If your date cannot go ahead (as confirmed with venues and/or vendors), here are a few simply tips to follow:-
- Create a Social Media Group (e.g. Facebook, WhatsApp etc) for family & friends already invited
- Announce your date has been POSTPONED (not cancelled because you will definitely still be getting married in the future).
- Chat with the venue in regard to transferring ALL costs to a future date. Yes there may be additional costs or penalties, but these will be insignificant in comparison to them applying the T&C’s of your original contract.
- Once you have that date, contact each and every vendor letting them know that:
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- because of the new restrictions imposed, the venue has advised your day cannot go ahead as planned but it has been rescheduled to <new date> and you hope they are happy to transfer your existing invoices to that date.
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- Monitor those who can assist and those who cannot.
- For those who can, ask for an updated invoice.
- For those who CAN’T, ensure you reach an agreement in regard to how to cancel any existing arrangements . As most will be relieved you have a new date, hopefully there will be very few who cannot transfer.
- For those who can’t commit to your new date, ask them for recommendations and/or pop a post in the group.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE PROTOCOL
As the Coronavirus (COVID-19) situation develops, the best way to protect yourself is the same as you would against any respiratory infection. Practice good hygiene by:
- making sure to clean your hands thoroughly for at least 20 seconds with soap and water, or an alcohol-based hand rub
- cover your nose and mouth when coughing and sneezing with tissue or a flexed elbow
- observe social distancing of 1.5 metres and avoid close contact with anyone with cold or flu-like symptoms
- make sure you stay home if you are sick
Due to the daily developing Coronavirus (COVID-19) situation, many organizations have reduced service. I have not but am of course being cautious.
I have consulted with the office of the NSW Attorney General and have instituted a community safety plan.
Although many JPs are no longer available, I am still happy to continue providing services locally as a Justice of the Peace however cannot accept people at my home at present and so while we have a threat of a pandemic in our midst, this is the current protocol:
- You MUST phone to make an appointment.
- When you phone, you may be asked certain questions to ensure public safety.
- Subject to availability, I will meet you at the St Clair Library.
- I will NOT meet with you if you are sick, have a temperature or cough, or a runny nose.
- YOU MUST stand at a safe distance at all times.
- YOU MUST have washed or sanitised your hands which must be dry and clean when we meet.
- The document/s MUST be dry and clean.
- YOU MUST bring your own black pen which only you will use (I have my own)
- Any copies for certification must be complete and ready and presented with the original. If it is a two-sided document you must have both sides copied.
- Any declarations MUST be completed and ready before you call.
- Any ID documents must be clean and readable to be without my touching it.
- If you are unable to comply, or I suspect for any reason, that you have not complied, with eh safety protocols, the meeting will be cancelled without notice whether or not documents have been signed.
- If I am unable to sanitise my hands before and after our meeting, the meeting will be cancelled without notice.
Growing your own Roses for your ceremony.
From time to time, I find couples or families who have grown their own flowers; a bridal bouquet, a table setting, room decoration or for presentation at a funeral.
Gardening is not my forte but Kevin Rodrigues is a gardener in the USA who has some great advice on growing roses. Yes it is an American article and so temps and measures are empirical but still a good read if you want to grow your own:
https://gardeningmentor.com/how-to-grow-roses/
THE SCOTTY SCAM
The emails from ‘scotty’ are appearing on every Celebrant network all over the country.
Yes it is a Scam!!
Sending out emails via yahoo, gmail and Hotmail so far.
It is the old ‘overpayment scam’ that has been running in the USA, Europe and UK for years but with Facebook and other forums, most celebrants in those regions recognise the scam immediately and so that area has largely closed to these criminals.
Australia was immune because of the NOIM and requirement to provide ID however the same does not apply to renewals and so Celebrants all the country are getting the ‘Scotty’ email.
Some Celebrants have reacted by enrolling him (or her) into every persistent, obscure and/or oddball subscription they could find. Scotty is doubtlessly getting hundreds of emails from porn sites, religious sites such as ‘a prayer a day’ and any & all politically radical sites that can be found. It seems he is currently being bombarded with spam
Others took the appropriate step of reporting the emails to scamwatch by Forwarding the unaltered emails to: report@submit.spam.acma.gov.au
The tactic is to overpay by Paypal, cheque or credit card and then ask the Celebrant to pay other vendors.
The other vendors are actually accounts Scotty owns and quickly closes after he has your money and just before he cancels his original transaction to you.
So far he has claimed to be a ‘local’ in every capital city in Australia, claims to be deaf and so can only communicate via email, has apparently given out addresses and venue names that are false, and writes that it a surprise for a son or nephew.
If you get an ID, bank account details or Venue account, or any other personal detail; forward immediately to scamwatch and/or police, after all it is a fraud.
Last year some celebrants in the UK and USA were scammed of $thousands!
Congratulations David & Kate
video courtesy of www.unfaded.com.au
Wedding Cake Charms
Like Christmas puddings, there was a custom of baking charms into wedding cakes, but guests need to be warned of this to avoid choking or injury. Probably for both hygiene and safety, this was replaced with a ribbon surrounding the cake so that the charms can readily and easily be removed without risk.
There are ten traditional:
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- Anchor, airplane, car or carriage, for hope, travel & adventure
- Clover or Horseshoe for good luck
- Flower or a fleur de Lis, for new love
- Heart for true love
- Highchair for the arrival of children
- Purse for wealth
- Ring for an engagement or the next to marry
- Rocking Chair for long life
- Wedding bells for the marriage
- Wishing Well so that all dreams & wishes may come true
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acting against spammers
shutting down comments, for now, to block spammers among whom the most prolific spammer on my block has used the IP address of 183.30.184.21 under various names from Hairstyles to Free stuff.
Have had to shut down comments for now
I love to hear from my readers but I am getting up to 100 comments per day from spammers and so have no alternative but to shut down comments for now.
I will however, continue posting and you will still be able to email me with comments and so genuine posters will still get a voice but spammers will not.
The Bottom of the Bucket
The Bottom of the Bucket
A friend sent me the attached poem he wrote in response to a tragedy. If you need assistance, talk to friend and/or call for help. One of these may help:
• Black Dog Institute – https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
• LIFELINE. – – 24 hours counselling phone 13 11 14
• MENS LINE AUSTRALIA.. – Call 1300 78 99 78
GRIEF: What are the symptoms of grief?
Grief is what we feel and experience when we suffer a loss.
It can be completely overwhelming and even painful in so many ways, but it can also be delayed, occurring sometime well after the loss.
We commonly of course associate grief with the loss of a loved one which of course can be extraordinarily traumatic however the same or similar symptoms can arise at any traumatic loss or series of losses, and can be compounded by each repeated trauma.
The loss of a partner through death can be compounded by the loss of self-confidence in continuing to manage life alone, the sudden loneliness, the fear of the future and the realisation of each occurrence itself can be a further trauma.
Upon the death of a patriarch, matriarch or child, there may the trauma of the loss of family unity that was maintained only by the common thread of the parent/parenting.
Other common events that may have similar symptoms of varying degree, are:
- The loss of a partner, children and/or home through divorce or separation,
- the loss of one’s own confidence after an accident, injury or assault.
- Loss of a job or career
- Loss of mobility and/or independence
The trauma of the each and every loss may manifest in both physical and emotional symptoms, including this alphabetical list:
- ANGER: Anger is one of the stages of grief associated with the denial of the trauma (a self-preservation). The anger may be commonly be directed at:
- Your lost loved one for leaving you
- The ambulance or medical staff for not saving your loved one
- God, for allowing the death to occur
- Anyone and everyone who fails to listen to you or understand your needs/requirements
- Yourself, for a variety of reasons some of which may be completely irrational
- CONFUSION: the shock of the trauma of an event can result in confusion and an inability to properly function. This can be temporary and may improve after the initial shock, but as additional trauma’s arise, each can step of the process can be an additional trauma that reignites the confusion
- DEHYDRATION: drinking plenty of water can help as anxiety can lead to excessive perspiration and this can lead to dehydration that may be compounded by crying. Be aware that the consumption of alcohol can increase dehydration.
- DIGESTIVE UPSET: nausea, a loss of appetite, indigestion, diarrhea, can all be a part of the bodies reaction to trauma and can also add to the inability to cope. a lack of exercise and an increased consumption can lead to excessive weight gain while a disinterest in eating can result in rapid weight loss.
- DIMINISHED ABILITY: the range of emotions and shock can result in an inability to concentrate or even to process thought. This can also manifest as forgetfulness, confusion, and an inability to make decisions.
- DRAMATIC MOOD SWINGS: grief can manifest in sudden and dramatic mood swings that may seem irrational and unexpected e.g. crying because the you spilled your tea on the carpet, suddenly getting very angry with a passer-by because they accidentally bumped into you, getting angry with the Funeral Director or Celebrant because a flower is out of place
- HEAD ACHES: The stress and anxiety can result in headaches as a result of fatigue, sleep loss, dehydration or another number of a combination of factors.
- FEAR & ANXIETY: a sense of helplessness and a lack of control of circumstances and surroundings is common and can manifest as anxiety, worry and a fear of the future or even a sense of hopelessness
- INSOMNIA: sleep is a great healer but disturbed sleep, broken sleep, restlessness, chemical/alcohol induced sleep, and disturbing dreams all add to fatigue and stress and diminish the ability to cope with stress and trauma. Without sufficient sleep we our bodies and well-being, begin to break down.
- LOSS OF ENERGY/ILLNESS: constant or recurrent fatigue and/or lethargy including physical aches and pains can occur. The effects of an existent illness may be exasperated because of a variety of influences leading to a reduction of immunity.
- NUMBNESS: this commonly occurs in the initial period of ‘shock’, immediately following the discovery of the loss has even occurred.
- SADNESS & MELANCHOLIA : an overwhelming sadness is common but be aware that the ‘numbness’ and ‘denial’ (temporary lack of acceptance) can manifest as confusion and guilt i.e. why aren’t I crying/why can’t I stop crying; I don’t have enough money to pay for the funeral etc.
- SELF BLAME & GUILT: You may experience irrational guilt such as “what could I have done/not done to prevent this” , when in fact you may have had no control whatsoever.
NB. For more information on this subject, go to my webpage and find Grief & Loss
every person is unique
I have always found that each and every person is unique.
Some may look alike, sound alike, or even be from the same gene pool;
But we are fashioned by our experiences; our loves and likes, successes and failures; our dreams and plans; actions and inactions. Every sunrise and sunset is a thing of beauty, just as each and every person shines each and every day.
Believe in yourself. Have confidence in yourself. Take care of self.
No one can achieve what you achieve in the way you achieve.
Lou Szymkow, 2019
www.alifecelebrant.com.au
Fears & Confidence – fear of death and death words
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There is a common fear of death and death words.
There is a common fear of death and death words.
Any of us who regularly perform funerals or are of a certain age, have been to many funerals and as Celebrants we may consciously or even unconsciously, privately critique the Celebrant & Ceremony; and whatever is perceived, is likely influence our own performance. It is simply a part of personal development and personally I watch videos of all my own Ceremonies and have to admit that I am my own worst critic, always seeking to improve.
The thought in watching a ceremony may be complimentary such as “I liked how that was said/done” and when next writing a Ceremony, you might possibly be influenced in a positive way to ‘tweak’ your ceremony.
It may be derogatory: “That was appalling, I never/will never do that (again) in My Ceremonies”.
Or it may be a simple “oh, that was interesting/boring/uneventful/very routine” etc. and whatever it was, may be quickly forgotten.
There is one part that usually catches my eye and that is how the Ceremony is ended. In a Church service there is always a ‘recessional’ and people know when to leave but in a Civil Service, there is a ‘Committal’ and then……well that varies. I saw one recently where the Celebrant closed the curtains in a crem chapel, said a few words, and then began to pack up. I looked at the gathered and saw they were confused, and some were whispering to others who were shrugging shoulders completely bewildered as to whether the ceremony had concluded or not. Since then, I make certain that I give clear instructions “this concludes this ceremony, please follow the family as they leave the chapel and then….”. It is simple, polite and direct.
The other area of confusion is the fear of words such as coffin and death.
A Coffin is simply a box or chest for burying remains and so is a generic term for any funerary box. A Casket is more or less a four-sided coffin but perhaps because the word ‘coffin is associated only with death; many prefer to use the word ‘Casket’ just to avoid the use of the word ‘coffin’.
The greater avoidance though by many in the emergency services, medical profession, welfare industry and of course the funeral industry, is any finite words such as dead, or died. Few will ever say in a funeral service or eulogy that “Mr Jones died at/by …..”. This may be because there is no point to stating the obvious and referring to the cause, manner or time of death as it may not be purposeful but when there is a need to mention such, few use the direct words and instead resort to euphemisms.
It comes down to confidence. A confident Celebrant will use words with certainty and in so doing will generate confidence in those gathered and in so doing will assist in the grief process.
I have listed a few euphemisms for death but what others do you use or have heard?:
Alive no more | Bit the bullet | Bit the Dust |
Bought the farm | Carked it | Ceased |
Ceased to be | Ceased to exist | Come to an end |
Conked it | Croaked | Crossed the river |
Departed | Did not recover | Died |
Drew the final curtain | Ended | Entered another plain/realm |
euthanised | Expired | failed to survive |
Gave up the ghost | Gone | Gone to a better place |
Gone to God | Gone to meet his/her maker | Gone to that (place) in the sky |
Is no more | journeyed into another realm | Kicked the bucket |
Killed/murdered | Left us | Lost |
Moved on | Moved to heaven | Now at peace/rest |
Paid the ultimate price | Passed | Passed away |
Passed on | Perished | Pushing up daisies |
Re-joined the universe | Removed from this earth | Sacrificed |
Snuffed out | Stopped living | Succumbed |
Terminated | The big sleep | Took a last breath |
Took the final journey | travelled on | Was taken from us |
Where to Marry?
- I am not certain where to marry and so what are the differences between a Marriage Celebrant, Registry Wedding and getting married in a Church?
There are many differences, and some similarities (as may be required by law) and so I have made a list of around 70 direct comparisons to simplify distinction.
It is a personal decision dependant on what your dream wedding consists of.
Choose a Civil Marriage Celebrant you want a unique personalised Ceremony with guidance through lots of easy choices.
If you are content to stand in a queue for an hour for a 10-minute service using a set script with essentially no choice of location other than a small room, than a Registry ceremony might be acceptable.
If you are devoutly religious, then a religious ceremony might suit you.
Here is my ‘generalised’ ready reckoner listing my interpretation of differences but if you have any questions, disagree with me on any point, or find an error, just let me know and I will explain the basis of my reasoning and/or make any corrections.
The choices from left to right are Celebrant, Registry, Church.
Item/Activity | Celebrant | Registry | Church |
Requires one month’s notice under the law | Yes | Yes | Yes |
You must provide proof of identity as well date/place of birth | Yes | Yes | Yes |
You will be given a pamphlet to inform/remind you of what it means to be married. | Yes | Yes | Yes |
Only 2 witnesses required for the signing of your Certificates | Yes | Yes | Yes |
Only 2 witnesses required for the signing of your Certificates, but you can have any number sign another non-legal certificate | Yes | No | Maybe |
The Ceremony is designed/written especially for you | Yes | No | No |
The Celebrant will come to you for the NOIM | Yes | No | No |
The Celebrant will come to you to plan your Ceremony | Yes | No | No |
You can call the Celebrant any time of day | Yes | No | No |
You will be offered variety in your Ceremony | Yes | No | No |
You can choose your Ceremony content (beyond legals)? | Yes | No | Limited |
Is entirely about your marriage | Yes | Yes | No |
Can take place anywhere within Australia | Yes | No | No |
Can take place anytime | Yes | No | No |
Held at any venue/location of your choice such as in a garden, hall, restaurant, backyard, loungeroom etc.. | Yes | No | Limited |
The ceremony can be at the same location as the reception | Yes | No | No |
The ceremony can be a part of a reception or even a full day Celebration | Yes | No | No |
Can include a variety of rituals from different cultures or religions | Yes | No | No |
You must ‘say’ your legal Vows to each other | Yes | Yes | No |
You can add your own personal Vows. | Yes | Maybe | Maybe |
Will welcome Ministers of other denominations, or friends & family, to perform parts of the Ceremony | Yes | No | Unlikely |
Can have lots of friends of all denominations as guests. | Yes | Small Space | Limited |
The denomination of guests is irrelevant | Yes | Yes | No |
Everyone can have a role in the ceremony regardless of numbers | Yes | No | Maybe |
Can take place anywhere within Australian borders | Yes | No | No |
You will be given the Celebrant’s mobile number and email for direct & personal contact | Yes | No | Maybe |
Only one or two ceremonies performed in a single day | Yes | No | No |
By choice, the couple usually face each other or the guests that they have invited. | Yes | Yes | No |
Can marry regardless of age (but over 18), sex or sexual orientation, gender, religious belief, culture, race etc, | Yes | Yes | Maybe |
Will permit marriage if you are unable to have children | Yes | Yes | Maybe |
Will permit marriage if you are of the same sex /gender | Yes | Yes | Probably No |
Will permit marriage if you are LGBTQI | Yes | Yes | No |
Can have LGBTQI bridal party | Yes | Yes | Probably No |
Conducts same sex marriage | Yes | Yes | Maybe |
Can have almost any content, completely non-religious, religious, agnostic, pagan, or just be limited to basic legal words | Yes | No | No |
Will provide freebie extras such as photos, video etc.. | Yes | No | No |
Will work to your schedule, not theirs | Yes | No | No |
Has almost no restrictions as long as laws are not broken | Yes | No | No |
You choose your Celebrant | Yes | No | Maybe |
The same Celebrant will be able to perform other ceremonies for family members when needed e.g. Anniversaries, Memorials, Namings and Funerals | Yes | No | Yes |
You get a free copy of the Ceremony booklet | Yes | No | No |
Allows you the option of including any music of choice | Yes | No | No |
Can have any size Bridal Party whatsoever | Yes | No | No |
Your ceremony will commonly run for 20-40 minutes depending on inclusions of your choice | Yes | No | Maybe |
Will I be in a queue behind others waiting for an identical Ceremony? | No | Yes | Maybe |
Your ceremony will take only around 10 minutes | Optional | Yes | No |
Follows a church doctrine | Your Choice | No | Yes |
Will include the reading of religious or Biblical text | Your Choice | Maybe | Yes |
Will include the reading of non-religious text | Your Choice | Maybe | Maybe |
Couples face the altar/front | Your Choice | Maybe | Yes |
Couple and guests join in prayer | Your Choice | No | Yes |
Holy blessing | Your Choice | No | Yes |
Family blessing | Your Choice | No | Maybe by Choice |
Will not contradict or impinge upon religious context | Your Choice | Maybe | Yes |
Will include religious context or content | Your Choice | No | Yes |
Will have no religious content whatsoever. | Your Choice | Yes | No |
Must include members of the religious congregation | Your Choice | No | Yes |
The celebrant will wear vestments | Maybe | No | Yes |
You are limited as to how many can attend | No | Yes | No |
Can only take place within the state in which the Celebrant is registered. | No | Yes | Yes |
Is a specifically a religious service/Sacrament | No | No | Yes |
You can only call the Celebrant during business hours at an office | No | Yes | Maybe |
May perform up to 30 ceremonies in a single day | No | Yes | Maybe |
A specific common script is used | No | Yes | Yes |
Is restricted to specific times of the day | No | Yes | Yes |
You announce your vows by questions and answer only | No | No | Yes |
Is conducted by a Minster of Religion (Clergy member) | No | No | Yes |
You must be Baptised into the church (or similar ritual) | No | No | Yes |
One or both in the couple must join the religion or Church | No | No | Yes |
You wait in a queue at an appointed time | No | Yes | Maybe |
Must take place inside their Church building | No | No | Yes |
Must take place at a specific location/building | No | Yes | Yes |
Must attend Marriage Preparation courses. | No | No | Yes |
Must be of the same religious faith | No | No | Usually |
Must attend religious service and/or classes | No | No | Yes |
Requires your children to join a particular religion | No | No | Yes |
Restricts what you can wear | No | Maybe | Yes |
UNITY CANDLE: What is a Unity Candle and how is it used in a Marriage ceremony?
It is a candle that is lit from other candles and so unifying the flame, and in so doing, symbolises the unification of two families, two hearts, and/or two loves or lives i.e. making two into one.
The first candles may be lit by mothers or family members and handed to the couple who bring them together.
Another option is where all guests are also given a candle each, and after the first guest’s candle is lit, the flame is passed along until all are alight, and then the bride and groom together light their unity candle. This is to symbolise that it is the unity of not just family, but of friends who are supporting the couple in their marriage.
Once the Unity Candle is lit, the others may be extinguished because the flame of the Unity Candle is of course, the joining of all others.
The Unity Candle just needs to be prominent and so can be framed in a cage, on a pedestal, be the larger of other candles, or can be the higher, central candle on a candelabra.
If you have a candle from earlier in life such as from your Baptism or Naming Ceremony, you may wish to use that for the occasion or you may wish to have a new ornamental candle personalised with your names and the date, as a keepsake from your wedding.
CHURCH WEDDING: What is the difference between a Church/Religious Wedding Ceremony & Civil Wedding Ceremony?
CHURCH WEDDING: What is the difference between a Church/Religious Wedding Ceremony & Civil Wedding Ceremony?
The main difference is that a Church wedding is a religious service conducted by a member of the Clergy within a state, and at which a marriage takes place, as a Sacrament; while a civil ceremony is conducted by a nationally registered Marriage Celebrant so can take place anywhere in Australia, anytime, anyway, and with almost any content, religious or not, provided there is a compliance with the Marriage Act; and whilst the Minister may ask the couple questions in place of their Vows, in a Civil Ceremony, the couple say their vows to each other.
Church wedding
In a Church wedding, the couple face the altar and clergy member as it is about your joining in Sacrament and so engage in prayer in a Church community to receive a holy blessing upon your union in the presence of the congregation you are joining as a couple/family and so the ceremony follows church doctrine, often limiting what can be done & said so as not to contradict or impinge upon religious belief or context and of course the congregation should be present in addition to your guests who may not be members of that congregation. If you are devoutly religious, attend a particular church together, want to take part Sacrament, wish to raise your children in that religion/church, want your children to attend the associated religious school and you will regularly attend Church services a family, then maybe consider a church wedding however if you are not intending to attend that church apart from your wedding, you should consider a Civil Ceremony.
Some Clergy will insist that your ceremony can only take place inside their Church building and may require you to attend Marriage Preparation courses.
If you are of different religions, some churches may also require a ‘conversion, i.e.. joining of that faith which may also include religious classes rituals over a period of time.
Civil Ceremony
A Civil Ceremony has almost no restriction.
It is entirely about your marriage and your choices.
A Civil Ceremony can be written especially for you and almost anything goes as long as the Monitum and vows are said and the Marriage celebrant is authorised. As with any marriage ceremony the vows and marriage law cannot be contradicted.
The couple usually by choice, face each other or the guests that they have invited.
You are required to have 2 witness for the signing of your Certificates but can have as many or as few guests as you like. If you want more signed witness a separate non-legal Certificate can be created.
No classes are required of any kind but as with as planned marriage, you will still be given a pamphlet to inform/remind you of what it means to be married.
A Civil Ceremony can have no religious content whatsoever or can include religious context and content. It is entirely your choice.
Here is my ‘generalised’ ready reckoner listing my interpretation of differences but if you have any questions or disagree with me on any point, let me know.
Item | Civil | Church |
Requires one month’s notice under the law | Yes | Yes |
You must provide proof of identity as well date/place of birth | Yes | Yes |
You will be given a pamphlet to inform/remind you of what it means to be married. | Yes | Yes |
Only 2 witnesses required for the signing of your legal Certificates | Yes | Yes |
The Ceremony is designed/written especially for you | Yes | No |
The Ceremony is entirely about your marriage | Yes | No |
Can take place anywhere | Yes | No |
Can take place anytime | Yes | No |
Is a specifically religious service or sacrament | No | Yes |
Can take include a variety of rituals from different cultures or religions | Yes | No |
You must ‘say’ your Vows to each other | Yes | No |
You can have lots of friends of all denominations as guests. | Yes | Limited |
Can only take place within the state or territory in which the Celebrant is registered. | No | Yes |
The couple usually, by choice, face each other or the guests that they have invited. | Yes | No |
You announce your vows by questions and answer only | No | Yes |
Is conducted by a Minster of Religion (Clergy member) | No | Yes |
Can marry regardless of age (provided over 18), sex or sexual orientation, gender, religious belief, culture, race etc, | Yes | Maybe |
You can marry if you are unable or unwilling to have children | Yes | Maybe |
You can marry if you are of the same sex /gender | Yes | Maybe |
You can marry if you are LGBTQI | Yes | No |
You can have LGBTQI bridal party | Yes | Maybe |
You can marry if of the same sex as your partner | Yes | Maybe |
You must be Baptised into the church (or similar ritual) | No | Yes |
Can have almost any content, including non-religious, religious, ritualistic, humanist, agnostic, pagan, or not, | Yes | No |
One or both in the couple must join the religion or Church | No | Yes |
The ceremony must take place inside their Church building | No | Yes |
The couple must attend Marriage Preparation classes. | No | Yes |
The couple must be of the same religious faith | No | Usually |
The couple must attend regular religious services and/or classes | No | Yes |
Requires your children to join a particular religion | No | Yes |
Restricts what you can wear | No | Yes |
Has almost few or no restrictions apart from ‘don’t break the law or put any person in danger’. | Yes | No |
Follows a church doctrine | You choose | Yes |
Will include the reading of religious or Biblical text | You choose | Yes |
Will include the reading of non-religious text | You choose | Maybe |
Couple face the altar/front | You Choose | Yes |
Couple and guests join in prayer | You Choose | Yes |
You receive a form of Holy blessing | You Choose | Yes |
You receive a Family blessing | You Choose | Your Choice |
Will not contradict or impinge upon religious content/context | You Choose | Yes |
Will definitely include religious context or content | You Choose | Yes |
Will have no religion content at all. | Your Choice | No |
Held at any venue or location of your choice e.g. reception centre, garden, hall, restaurant, backyard, on horseback, mountainside, beach, cave, lounge-room, air-balloon, cliff face etc.. | Your Choice | Limited |
Should include members of the local religious congregation | Your Choice | Yes |
Today’s question: We have lived happily together for a while so why should we bother getting married?
Quite apart from the obvious proclamation of love, that will strengthen your relationship, unlike defacto rights (or possible lack thereof), a marriage offers protections under the law.
Rights for a couple in a couple in a de-facto marriage are not the same as for a legally married couple as a defacto partner may not be recognised as the next-of-kin .
With a marriage, you are immediately the next-of-kin, and so, given protection under the law with regards to property, assets, inheritance, insurances, medical care and so much more.
If for instance there is a medical emergency and you are required to make decisions for your partner but another relative arrives, that relative may be identified as the next of kin instead of you and so is able override your decisions; or if your partner had been married before but not divorced, the ex-partner remains the legal next of kin and so in those same circumstances could be in charge of life & death decisions.
Then of course, what if someone dies? The next of kin has rights in regard to property, assets, inheritance, insurances, that may override that of a partner and a legal battle might result between partner and legal next-of-kin.
There was the horrible incident of a man in Adelaide whose parents did not approve of his relationship and had not spoken to him or his partner for 17 years. The man took seriously ill and the partner of some 18 years, phoned the estranged parents out of respect and concern. The parents soon after arrived at the hospital and as next of kin, enforced their authority, excluding the partner from medical decisions or even visiting the patient and upon the poor man’s subsequent death, also excluded the partner from the funeral and made no mention of the relationship at all in the eulogy. The couple had a home together but no Will and so the next of kin became the beneficiaries of the estate and subsequently attempted to evict the grieving partner from the jointly owned home and/or force a sale of the home even though it remained the grieving partner’s home.
FLOWERS: Why can’t specific flowers colours be guaranteed for my ceremony?
Flowers are a product of nature, and so are subject to variation that might be influenced by seasons, the element when growing and condition after being cut. Many are now grown in greenhouses on the South American continent and have no scent, and are flown overnight to all parts of the world. Your florist will try but cannot guarantee. Discuss it with them or go to the flowers markets in your city.
For more answers, go to : 300 Wedding Questions Answered
Donating a body to science
Who can donate a body to medical science or research?
Under the Anatomy Act 1977, a person who wishes to donate their body must provide consent for the donation in writing before their death. Alternatively, the senior available next of kin is able to provide consent in writing after death, provided that they are not aware that the person would have objected. The executor of a will cannot give consent unless they are also the senior available next of kin.
If the body is at a hospital or forensic institution, a designated officer at that facility must authorise use of the body for anatomical examination.
The Coroner’s consent is needed where the death has been reported to the Coroner.
It is important that you discuss your wishes regarding body donation with your family.
Ref: https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/humantissue/Pages/anatomy-public.aspx
You will find this and many other detailed questions answer on my web page but be warned that reader discretion is advised so stick to your specific question and only look at more sensitivity subject matters if you are of ready. My Web page link is Funeral Questions
NAME CHANGE: What is the history of How & Why would I change my name after marriage?
Historically in Australia, where a marriage was between a man and a woman, it was common for the woman to assume the man’s last name upon marriage.
That dates back even further to a time when women were regarded as the ‘property’ of their father and then upon marriage, of their spouse, hence the ‘giving away’ the Bride, by the father and anything they owned became the property of their husband.
Mistress or Miss Jones marrying Mister or Mr Brown, became the ‘Mistress of Mr Brown’. The title ‘mistress of’. … was abbreviated to ‘Mrs’ and so upon marriage, she became Mrs Brown.
Though women are no longer ‘property’ the tradition of the Bride taking on the Grooms name remains common.
Jumping to current and more enlightened times, if married in Australia a formal Change of Name is not required if you wish to take your spouse’s name and so Miss Jones and Mr Brown, can be Mrs & Mr Brown or Mrs & Mr Jones, but you will need to update the name change anywhere your original name is registered.
Usually this would include personal documentation, such as your driver’s license and passport, which can be changed to your married surname when you provide a Standard Marriage Certificate (i.e. Registration of Marriage Certificate) to the relevant authority.
for more information and more questions answered go to
200 Wedding Questions Answered
ENGAGEMENT RING: What are the 4Cs when it comes to diamonds on an engagement ring?
Diamonds are graded by the 4 Cs which are:
- Carat: or weight, determines the size of the diamond.
- Clarity: The fewer flaws, the greater the value. If you cannot see flaws with the naked eye, it’s called an eye-clean diamond.
- Colour: A clear diamond is the rarest and has the highest grade of D. A yellow diamond will have the lowest grade of Z.
- Cut: The cut creates the sparkle and so impacts on the beauty of the diamond.
Another consideration is Shape: Not to be confused with ‘cut’ the shape identifies the overall appearance of the diamond, e.g. round, oval, teardrop etc. Round stones are the most common.
ENGAGEMENT RING: How can I buy the perfect engagement ring?
The three major considerations should be:
- Your partner’s expectations
- Your Budget or ability to meet those expectations
- Your partners taste in style and jewellery
The goal is to find a balance between the three.
An interesting side consideration is that statistically, those who pay $thousands or even $millions have shorter marriages, so the higher the ring price, the shorter the marriage whereas marriages where under $5000 was spent on the ring, tend to be long lasting.
According to Credit Donkey, there are 10 steps to buying the perfect engagement ring:
Love this poem, which was originally written as a song
Stop All The Clocks (cut off the telephone)/Funeral Blues
By Wystan Hugh Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
(See it recited beautifully in the scene from Four Wedding & A Funeral)
Laminating Certificates
Why isn’t my laminated birth certificate accepted as an original ID?
The Guidelines on the Marriage Act 1961 for Marriage Celebrants are very specific that the authorised celebrant must see all the original documents prior to the marriage ceremony.
Many authorities now use imbedded heat sensitive security in documents (e.g. NSW Birth certificates) A laminated copy renders the security in effective and so invalidates the document and there is often now a warning in fine print on the document, to that effect.
A laminated copy therefor may not be accepted as an original and it may be necessary to obtain a new original.
A Poem I wrote
A Love Poem
(Lou Szymkow 14/2/2000)
Though the years have gone by, it must seem but a second
since you had that first kiss and your love began to beckon,
His smile attracted you,
Her beauty inspired you,
Just a glance warmed your heart,
and the mere thought of each other
kept you swooning even when apart,
You still yearn for a sweet caress,
a gentle kiss of finesse
those tender lips to thine,
your souls forever entwined
heart and soul and mind,
and when the world is full of plight
there is still a gentle kiss goodnight,
and all those worries turn to solutions
and you know,
all will be all right.
Today’s question is about IMMIGRATION LETTERS: Do you provide letters and a copy of the NOIM, for immigration?
I am happy to provide a letter for your Immigration Agent or a local or international Department of Immigration after I have received the NOIM and payment.
My immigration letter is on my own letterhead showing that I am an Authorised Marriage Celebrant , includes the following:
the date NOIM lodged,
full names
date and place of planned marriage
confirmation of payment
I do not however issue a letter until payment is made as this offers a small guarantee that the matter is genuine and reassures the departments of same.
A copy of the NOIM is not required for the Australian immigration but if one is issued,, it is stamped as a copy and certain parts may be redacted for privacy and security.
BESPOKE??
BESPOKE: What does Bespoke mean?
Bespoke is an English word used in the clothing industry when referring to tailored clothing; e.g. a bespoke suit made especially for one person, and is an adjective.
It is a word that was adopted by shoe makers and exclusive furniture manufactures, and more recently has been adopted by Celebrants who are trying to say that tailor Ceremonies to the individual.
BESPOKE: What a bespoke ceremony?
Bespoke is an English word used in the clothing industry when referring to tailoring especially for one person.
So a Bespoke ceremony is one that is tailored or written/designed uniquely for a couple.
BESPOKE CEREMONIES: Do you perform bespoke ceremonies?
All my Ceremonies are unique and tailored to the couple.
There may be some similarities between Ceremonies as legal aspects must be addressed, and there are some things that I do differently to other Celebrants which couples like to include but I meet with you to design your dream Ceremony and to make certain it is one that you will enjoy and want to be a part of (so not boring but definitely fun).
There are lots of Ideas and Suggestions on my webpage but don’t let that limit your imagination. It is your Ceremony, and so let’s design it together.
TYING THE KNOT
Handfasting & Tying the Knot? What is it and how is it used in a marriage Ceremony?
Before rings, in many cultures, the hands of the bride and groom were tied together, to celebrate the marriage.The Celtic ritual also involves a blessing of hands and the binding of the couple with a secure knot, hence the term ‘tying of the knot’.
Similar rituals are also found in other cultures including Chinese (see Red String), American Indian, and some Islander cultures but significantly in Hinduism where it is part of an ancient prayerful ritual and so should only be performed by a Prasad, hence for Civil Ceremonies, we follow a form of the Celtic tradition.
The couples’ hands are joined together, usually holding hands so the wrists and pulses are touching, with a ribbon or symbolic material looped over the couples wrists and tied by the celebrant or a friend.
The couple express their love and commitment for one another and like the cord or ribbon, which has two individual ends, they are two individuals, and so they become one by the tying.
A handfasting ritual performed during a wedding ceremony, can take place instead of a ring exchange or following it.
For more information and samples, go to Tie the Knot on my Wedding Ideas & Ceremonies tab.
See also The Red String Of Fate & Red Goblet Ceremony.
Guest Blogger today – Melbourne based Celebrant, Bronte Price, – ideas for Marriage of partners who are of the same sex
7 Romantic Gay Wedding Venues ideas on a budget.
Have the ever-rising expenses taken a toll on your wedding venue budget? Are you looking for a gay wedding venue that is both romantic and affordable? While there are limited options to choose for your special date, only a few of them are cost-efficient. One has to scout low-budget places and then pick the best as per their individual preference. And there are still high chances of losing out on the experience while saving money. So how do you find a wedding venue that suffices your purpose? Here’s a list of 7 such budget-friendly and romantic venue ideas that can help:
1. Woods:
If there’s any place as intimate and stunning as your gay relationship, it is definitely the woods. The woods call for a somewhat private affair with your closed ones. They are a highly budget-friendly venue because there is nothing much for you to add to the beauty. I’ve attended many such weddings in the woods that only set up chairs for their closed ones. There’s hardly any need for unusual arrangements that go heavy on your budget. The most you can do is sprinkle a few petals to mark the aisle or hang some lights between the trees. And even if you don’t, the privacy that the woods offer is astoundingly beautiful enough.
2. Beach:
Most of the weddings today revolve around the bliss of stunning beaches. People travel across countries to include the rolling waves in their celebration. So if you happen to live near the beach already, consider yourself the luckiest. After all, you do not have to spend hefty amounts to travel to one. At the beach, you can create a stunning wedding by merely arranging a canopy and a few chairs. You can even hold a casual beach wedding like one of my LGBT clients with smaller refreshments. The decor again does not have to be hefty. After all, where else would you find a view as breathtakingly romantic as the sun along the ocean waves?
3. Backyard:
The more comfortable you are, the more passionate you’ll feel. The reason why the best place to celebrate your partner’s love is out of the comfort of your own home. No venue cost and design restrictions add to the perfect intimate affair on your special date. There are many ways in which you can host a backyard wedding. You can include a small stage, and seating arrangements under a canopy for a standard setting. You can use rainbow lights and greenery to save on the decoration expense. You can also use handmade and recycled items to make the venue more idyllic.
4. Vineyard:
What is better than toasting to your happy married life on your wedding day? Well, doing it at a vineyard! Vineyards make for a beautiful wedding destination for the mystery that they carry. A beautiful sprawling vineyard is, in fact, one of the best summer wedding venues across the globe. While the refreshments are an obvious choice here, the decoration depends on you. Although the charm of the place is always enough to put anyone into a romantic mood, one can always add to it! For a budgeted gay wedding, I advise you to use only flowers, preferably different colors. This will enhance the romantic setting. You can even use a few charming lights if you feel so. Also, if you didn’t know already, booking a vineyard is cheaper and fancier too!
5. Garden:
Maybe whoever designed the garden always have had a wedding running at the back of his/her mind. The reason why everything about it is intrinsically romantic. From the scent of the summer blossoms to the twinkling fireflies, everything about this place is on-point. The fresh air and the greenery also add to the aesthetic value of this wedding venue option. The expense is too low as there is hardly a lot to spend on. You can either arrange chairs or put up tents for your guests. However, the best decor for a garden is to leave it at its green best and maybe add a few flowers to it.
6. Chapel:
If you’re someone straight out of a Victorian romance novel, chapels are the right venue for your dream wedding. The polished wood surfaces and glass windows of the chapel reflect the sun inside. The natural light reflected adds to the quintessential aura of the warmth. The whole feel is that of a princesses story. There’s not much decoration and liberty due to the venue restriction. Thus, you save a lot of money too. The place in general calls for one of the simplest and elegant ceremonies.
7. Historical locations:
The history of the monuments, museums and art galleries add glamour and romance to a wedding. Not just that, it is one of the unique experiences that you can gift yourself and your guests on your wedding day. The stunning architecture of such places even offers beautiful romantic photographs. These venues also make for a great experience in history and culture too. Choosing a public spot is the cheapest wedding venue investment due to the low-key affair. Not just that, it is also a charming way to celebrate gay romance from a different era.
The choice of your venue will depend on your definition of romance. The money you spend will always be a vital factor too. The reason why it is better to set your priorities straight and function accordingly. So that when you prioritise romance, your wedding will ultimately imbibe that. No matter what venue you choose, it will always be a stepping stone. But only the love you exhibit as an LGBT couple would make a major difference.
Author Bio-
Bronte Price is Australia’s First Certified Gay Celebrant Melbourne and the co-founder of The Equality Network that helps wedding suppliers create a better wedding experience for LGBTI couples. He is also a member of GLOBE (Gay and Lesbian Organization for Business and Enterprise) that empowers the LGBT community. His stand on ‘marriage equality’ and ‘love has no boundaries’ is unparalleled. Apart from that, he enjoys volunteering as a newsreader at Joy 94.9, spends time in his organic backyard vegetable garden and goes on walks with his fiancée Clint and their four-legged fur baby – Bingo.
Bronte Price
Certified Marriage Celebrant
Certified in Same-Sex Wedding
Co-founder of The Equality Network
Newsreader @Joy 94.9
Switchboard Victoria Volunteer
ABIA Finalist 2017